Control

To all you moms out there do you battle with fear in parenting, or anger?? I mean like the times I snap and want to back hand my child in anger?! I have never dealt with these feelings until parenting. Come to find out possibly it could be anger from my past, which yes I'm still trying to deal with, but I didn't expect this part of being a mom. A mom who loves her kids more than anything on the planet...but at the same time I treat them the very worst on the planet! How sad is this? They see my ugly. Just when I fear I'm going to screw my children up, really I probably am. BUT in every way I want to prevent that as much as possible. So maybe I should be starting a future counseling fund? 😉

This is my current struggle I'm sharing with you. It is raw, and I feel guilty, shameful and broken. Brokenness is where God wants me so I'm going to go there. It's also easier to speak about our past and how God brought us through a season than talk about what we struggle with in this moment. I just got off the phone with a "Godly" woman who I was so friendly with in my tone while I gave my evil stare to my 4 year old that he had better get his bottom to bed, or else!! I can snap in a second. Can you relate??? I am clearly relying on myself and not on God. When He takes the reins His love and goodness shine through. And you would think I would realize this the moment I snap. Matt 11:30, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" God can carry my burden!

God isn't asking me to be the perfect mom, but he wants me to know HE is perfect. He is Good. When I put myself in "control" I'm out of control. And the truth is I never have control. God does. All I can do is get down on my knees, on my face and pray. Join with me to pray more for our children. Go ahead shoot me an email and ask if I'm doing this. I need to be held accountable to letting go and letting God take this. letting his yoke carry me.

I tell myself every day that my children are going to be grown and gone in a blink of an eye and these are the times to cherish. I hope in turn I can build Lego's longer and be with them more minutes each day in place of sitting next to them for five minutes only thinking of how quickly I can sneak away to finish my next task in my always messy home.

Our lives are messy, there will ALWAYS be laundry and dishes. I need God and I need to play! God has commissioned me to be a witness and live a Christian life in front of my children. our children are our mission field. Living my faith will change more lives than speaking or blogging it. Which I can't believe I just wrote...never have I or do I consider myself a blogger, but looks like I'm here now. Obedience is fruitful, God is changing lives, and I am honored to be a part of His team.

I'm wandering...sorry but the truth of all of this is control. My lack of control and how I desperately need God, to be filled with the Holy Spirit moment by moment each day. I need, and am desperate for His goodness for my own families life. And I brought up fear because it is not of God. Fear comes from the enemy. And worry too. Worry changes nothing. When have you worried about something and it actually changes any results? Never. God is in control, and only He is good. Any Good that comes from me Or any of us is God.

So let's change the world for Good. Let's change our homes for good. Let us pray continually for our unhealthy anger to cease. God word says that "in your anger do not sin" Ephesians 4:26 tells us. one, it's nice that it says "in your anger", anger is not a sin in itself (alleluia, God in many instances was angry too). but secondly it may cause you(me) to sin. The boundary has been crossed when I've totally lost my cool over something like spilt milk....or usually the billionth time I've heard in a whiny voice "MOMMY"! We need more mommy time outs, and deep breaths. Deep breaths inhaling God. Inhale the Holy Spirit. Inhale Good. Thank you God for your yoke. For carrying my burden. Carry our anger and fear. Can I get an Amen?

What's your burden right now? How can He carry you? How can you give up control?