Dead

I was talking to a friend the other day about how I always imagined myself dying young. Don't know why I just had that feeling. And when I turned 33 this last year, I thought to myself, Jesus was 33 maybe I will be too. In two weeks I'll be celebrating number 34 (so I guess I have two more weeks to die at 33 ;) and I'm looking back on my year of 33 and you know what? I did die this year. I died more than ever to myself, my flesh and God has powered me with His spirit more than ever. I've died to my past and broke free from the bondage I had with past violators and secrets, guilt, shame and regret. Secrets I was so ashamed of letting the world know. I was frozen with fear that the world would think less of me because of the mistakes I've made. And now I've become alive again and washed clean.

"Christianity has never been about living for Christ but about dying with Christ. God cannot resurrect living flesh, only dead flesh. When our flesh decreases, Christ will increase." - Mike Evans Each day moment by moment I need to die with Christ, the only way he can save me is if I die to my flesh! All the things in this life that I want to do I end up sinning and doing the things I don't want to do...yes I've said this before but want to again: Galatians 5:16-17 says "So I say live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful flesh. They are in conflict with each other so that you do not do what you want." What God wants me to do and what I want to do are constantly working against each other. People there is a battle within us. And the devil is winning battles daily. I want to be in God's will, and for me to follow Him I have to die to my flesh. We cannot attempt to live the Christian life on our own attempt, we fail. We have to give HIM control. And like I said in my last post, lets face it we don't have any control. Its not about us, its always about Him. We put ourselves on the throne instead of Him. Yes even when I get on facebook and wish I had what they had. The next item I "need" doesn't bring happiness. Jesus does.


I write these things only to encourage, and to bring hope. My prayer is for you reading this that you can cling to Christ and be empowered and overjoyed by Him to live your days differently. Live each day with purpose. Live each day with eternal perspective. Live each day with no regrets. You can start today! If we keep doing what we are doing nothing is going to change. If you want change, we have to make a change. I have to pray continually; 1 Thess 5:16-17 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." YES even when my 4 year old poops his pants and licks the floor at Target. Yes even when my 6 year old pukes on the floor at the check out at Walmart. When I'm stressed and devastated at circumstances I need Him more. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path" Psalm 119:105 HIS word will light our way and show me which way to go. I have to read his word. "Eat his word" Pray and read the bible.

I vividly remember hearing these words over and over and think of the song "read your bible, pray every day and you'll grow, grow, grow." Don't let these words harden your heart or say, yeah I know I should, what does that really do? It will change your life. It will make you die. You will become alive in a whole new way. A new way of living dangerously. A new way of Jesus triumphantly being shown to the world. Change the world with me friends. God is GOOD!! "When our flesh decreases, Christ will increase" LOVE THAT!!!

Control

To all you moms out there do you battle with fear in parenting, or anger?? I mean like the times I snap and want to back hand my child in anger?! I have never dealt with these feelings until parenting. Come to find out possibly it could be anger from my past, which yes I'm still trying to deal with, but I didn't expect this part of being a mom. A mom who loves her kids more than anything on the planet...but at the same time I treat them the very worst on the planet! How sad is this? They see my ugly. Just when I fear I'm going to screw my children up, really I probably am. BUT in every way I want to prevent that as much as possible. So maybe I should be starting a future counseling fund? 😉

This is my current struggle I'm sharing with you. It is raw, and I feel guilty, shameful and broken. Brokenness is where God wants me so I'm going to go there. It's also easier to speak about our past and how God brought us through a season than talk about what we struggle with in this moment. I just got off the phone with a "Godly" woman who I was so friendly with in my tone while I gave my evil stare to my 4 year old that he had better get his bottom to bed, or else!! I can snap in a second. Can you relate??? I am clearly relying on myself and not on God. When He takes the reins His love and goodness shine through. And you would think I would realize this the moment I snap. Matt 11:30, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" God can carry my burden!

God isn't asking me to be the perfect mom, but he wants me to know HE is perfect. He is Good. When I put myself in "control" I'm out of control. And the truth is I never have control. God does. All I can do is get down on my knees, on my face and pray. Join with me to pray more for our children. Go ahead shoot me an email and ask if I'm doing this. I need to be held accountable to letting go and letting God take this. letting his yoke carry me.

I tell myself every day that my children are going to be grown and gone in a blink of an eye and these are the times to cherish. I hope in turn I can build Lego's longer and be with them more minutes each day in place of sitting next to them for five minutes only thinking of how quickly I can sneak away to finish my next task in my always messy home.

Our lives are messy, there will ALWAYS be laundry and dishes. I need God and I need to play! God has commissioned me to be a witness and live a Christian life in front of my children. our children are our mission field. Living my faith will change more lives than speaking or blogging it. Which I can't believe I just wrote...never have I or do I consider myself a blogger, but looks like I'm here now. Obedience is fruitful, God is changing lives, and I am honored to be a part of His team.

I'm wandering...sorry but the truth of all of this is control. My lack of control and how I desperately need God, to be filled with the Holy Spirit moment by moment each day. I need, and am desperate for His goodness for my own families life. And I brought up fear because it is not of God. Fear comes from the enemy. And worry too. Worry changes nothing. When have you worried about something and it actually changes any results? Never. God is in control, and only He is good. Any Good that comes from me Or any of us is God.

So let's change the world for Good. Let's change our homes for good. Let us pray continually for our unhealthy anger to cease. God word says that "in your anger do not sin" Ephesians 4:26 tells us. one, it's nice that it says "in your anger", anger is not a sin in itself (alleluia, God in many instances was angry too). but secondly it may cause you(me) to sin. The boundary has been crossed when I've totally lost my cool over something like spilt milk....or usually the billionth time I've heard in a whiny voice "MOMMY"! We need more mommy time outs, and deep breaths. Deep breaths inhaling God. Inhale the Holy Spirit. Inhale Good. Thank you God for your yoke. For carrying my burden. Carry our anger and fear. Can I get an Amen?

What's your burden right now? How can He carry you? How can you give up control?